My Children in a Nutshell

My children. My laughs, my dreams, my source of frustration, my source of worry, my life. No one ever told me how deep this love would be. No one ever mentioned that I would always be in fear for their every day existence. And, no one ever thought to let me in on the secret that they would be so different from each other. Let me begin this revelation with a story that comes complete with its own warning label and end it with one that unveils my own soul just the tiniest bit.

WARNING: The events you are about to read are true. Names have not been changed to protect the innocent because innocence is exactly what is causing this warning!

Shane: Shit!
Mike: What did you just say?
Shane: I said shit-p. I ended it with a 'p', Dad. If you end it with a 'p' then it is ok to say.
Mike: Not in this house!

Later the same week
Shane: (sitting at the dinner table "singing") Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn. Hmmm, hmmmm...
Me: What did you just say?
Shane: (after swallowing his bite of food that he conviently put in his mouth as soon as he was noticed) I said 'damn'.
Me: Shane, you know that is a word that you don't need to be saying.
Shane: You mean like 'shit'?
Me: (stifling a laugh and trying to keep Kyle and Mike from ruining this moment with giggling) Yes, like 'shit'.
Shane: So 'damn' is a bad word?
Me: Yes, Shane. Stop saying it.
Shane: What about DAMage?
Me: Damage is ok to say.
Shane: And the DAM on a river?
Me: The dam on a river is ok to say.
Shane: But not just plain 'damn'?
Me: Right

Those are just a few of the ones that I can remember. He keeps us in stitches on a daily basis. We know that we should be angry, but he is so funny! My biggest fear is that his innocence will get him into so much trouble at school. So far, his teachers always say, "He is just so cute!" I only hope that they will continue to think that. As he gets older, and the things that he does become more inappropriate, I am sure to get many phone calls from school administrators about his visits to the office. I will just have to take it as it comes. Someday, he will learn that being "cute" won't always keep him out of trouble. But until that day, I am going to enjoy his wit and charm while trying to keep the DAMaged teachers from gettin' all up into his SHIT-p.

Now, on the other side of the universe is my older son. Kyle plays soccer, and it wasn’t until recently that I began to see his own life reflected on the soccer field.

Defense. The position of choice for my oldest son, Kyle. A boy that plays defense must stay back on the side of the field to make sure his goal is guarded. He is not in the maylay at the other end of the field trying to make a goal. He stands off from the rest plotting his move and does his best to NOT let the other player near the most important part of his field, the goal. You see, if the other player makes it past him and makes a goal, there is much blame to go around. That is why the defensive player must chase down the player from the other team to get it away from him. This requires agressiveness that is usually only found in the player known as the forward. Agressiveness is a trait that many defensive players do not have. It places the defensive player in a situtation that is out of the norm for him which causes a lot of stress. Basically, it means that the other player got a little bit too close to home, and the defensive player must do everything he can to get the other team back up the field and away from his goal.

Where is all this going? No, it is not a disseratation about a mother's view of the game. It is a complete description of my oldest son. The situtation that was just described is a metaphor of his life. His life really IS a soccer game. Ever since he was a baby, he has been the one on the outside of the group watching and plotting his next move. He has never liked jumping right in the middle of a group of kids to join in their games. Kyle is perfectly happy with standing on the other end of the field, watching and waiting for his opportunity to make a difference. A difference that could save the game, but one that is short-lived because someone else will eventually become a bigger hero when his team scores a point. But that is ok with him! It just means that he doesn't have to be center of attention for long, and he can still be part of the winning team.

The stress in his life is something that I have a hard time accepting. It is always over things that are beyond his control. He is a very guarded person in life, as well as soccer. He really doesn't want people to get too close to home. He won't tell people what he really thinks because he is afraid of how he will be judged. He tends to follow along with what he thinks he is SUPPOSED to do until he gets so deep into it that it becomes very difficult to back out. Just like when the other player on the field finds a way to get past him into the territory that could mean a point scored by the other team. Kyle scambles to catch up to that player to kick it out of harm's way so that he can get his team back on the right path. In soccer, as in his own life, he is constantly concerned with making sure EVERYTHING is done correctly so that no one can place blame on him. Even if that means scrambling down the field of life to get it right.

I don't mean to make him sound like some headcase that needs professional help. He is simply the sweetest , kindest, most thoughtful thirteen-year-old I know (and having been a teacher for sixteen years, I know about thirteen-year-olds). It has just always been interesting to see his life reflected on the soccer field. A field he has been playing on since he was four. A field that he understands more than life itself. A field that is very familiar to me for reasons that I don't like to admit. You see, if soccer had been the game to play when I was thirteen, I am pretty sure that defense would have been my position, too.

So there you have it. My children in a nutshell. One that pushes the limits of every boundary he sees. The other who tries his best to stay on the edge of those boundaries. I see myself reflected in so much of each of their lives. I also see some of my husband in them as well. In fact, there was this one time when… oh never mind… that’s another story!